Friday, January 8, 2016

Man Jeggings and How I learned to Embrace the Impossible

When I first saw jeggings, I was amazed that any human being would consider denim spray painted leggings as a reasonable article of clothing to wear in public. My wife had two pairs. Just as you see your make and model car everywhere as soon as you buy a new vehicle, these ridiculous pants were all I saw on the streets. It was a phenomena I simply did not understand and rejected outright because it was strange, new, and went against all rules of the fashion game.

About a year ago, the Washington Redskins were already in offseason mode. Robert Griffin was a shell of a person, Jay Gruden looked frustrated and lost, and Bruce Allen tallied wins off the field as fast as the Skins were losing games on them. Local fans and area families were tearing each other apart trying to figure out the solution as the armchair quarterbacks tend to do. The team, already being slammed as racist for their name, was also starting to hear that the decision makers were racist to bench RG3 in favor of turnover machines that seemed to worship in the house of Sexy Rexy. Within the organization and outside, it was chaos and if another lackluster season rolled through 2015 everyone knew The Dan in the High Castle would hit the restart button. Again.

Now, what do jeggings have to do with the Washington football club? Bear with me on this, I will get there in just a second.

We now know what happened with the Skins over the course of 2015. Bruce Allen knew he was overmatched as a talent evaluator and brought in Scot McCloughan to run the show. After one season of work, he drafted Scherff (only missed one snap all season), Crowder (key 3rd wideout - broke Art Monk's rookie record), Jones (fumbles aside shows ability to be premier back), Jarrett (key special teamer, plays every position in the secondary, and a hell of a thumper), and Preston Smith (led all rookies with 8 sacks). He turned a wide receiver into a cornerback that contributed immediately (Lance Dunbar), traded for Dashon Goldson (provided excellent leadership), and found Mason Foster (midseason pickup off of the street) and Will Compton (undrafted practice squad player) to plug in at the middle linebacking corp and perform better than any combo in years. Some call this making chicken salad with chicken shit. In reality, this is the highly intelligent football moves I hoped McCloughan would have made in the next few years. Say it with me:  Highly. Intelligent. Move. It was something our fans havn't seen or understood before. No one saw an overhaul like this working in year one, but it did and now the Washington Redskins are a 9 win team and hosting a playoff game.  Somehow, that wasn't the craziest thing that happened this year.

Marty Shottenheimer, Mike Shannahan, Jim Zorn, Norv Turner, and Steve Spurrier all at one point in their tenure with the Skins tried to do things their way and when Dan Snyder disagreed it was accompanied by a pink slip. Jay Gruden went directly against the Snyder RG3 decree.  Instead of going with Snyder's command to give RG3 the reigns one last year, Jay tapped Kirk Cousins to be the starter for the entire season. This was new.  This was strange. A lot of Redskins fans hated it. I really didn't care for it. I guarantee Snyder already had his bingo caller roll-a-dex dusted off, but something stunningly crazy happened. Ownership saw something they didn't understand, didn't want to do, and ultimately acquiesced to the new idea. This was impossible.

Much like Dan Snyder overcoming his puppet master role and the organization evolving towards respectability through highly intelligent moves, I too ran into something I hated while crammed in the back of an SUV. I was on the way to World of Beer, and the only thing between me and a delicious frosty brew was a 20 minute car ride boxed into about 3 square feet of space with another grown man. I couldn't breath, the waist of my jeans cut into my side, and I was working up an anxious sweat. My friend Johnathan sat next to me looking as comfy as could be. "Why so at ease?" I wondered. With a twinkle in his eye normally reserved for the magic of St. Nick, Johnathan pulled at his jean legs and waist to reveal that they were made with a secret of polyester denim. "Sorcery!" I exclaimed. I didn't understand what he was wearing! They looked like skinny jeans but it stretched. Could this possibly be? Is this man wearing jeggings??? This was simply impossible. Big fashion had found a way to con men into buying denim spray painted spandex pants. I was disgusted, but conflicted. I trust this person sitting beside me and he has exhibited excellent decision making in the past (much like me between the hours of 8am-11pm). Could...could I be wrong?

I was dazed. My world had been turned upside down. It took weeks to set in. These pants might be a viable alternative. After a particularly gluttonous Christmas holiday, a Skins playoff clinching victory over the Eagles, and not a single pair of jeans that could be adorned comfortably, I did it. I bought a pair of Traveler Jeans from Banana Republic. As soon as opened my eyes after buttoning the pants, I took a deep breath. As the waist band expanded with my holiday gut 'n butt, I felt more than the comfort I deserved. I had a cosmic connection to Daniel Snyder in that instant. For years, I bashed the jeggings because I thought my opinion and tastes were better than everyone else's. Dan Snyder did the same with his preferences in coaches and players. Something or someone disagreed with his sensibilities? He ridiculed them with bowls of vanilla ice cream, pink slips, or worse. I was dead wrong. These were the most comfortable pants I have ever worn. I embraced the impossible. This Washington roster is the best put together and united team since Gibbs 2.0. Seeing something work for someone else and finally admitting it is the way to go was impossible. It is now a reality for me and for Washington. The results for the Skins? Jay Gruden and Scot McCloughan were to Snyder as Johnathan Lancaster was the panacea for the blindness I had towards the red headed step child of the pant world.

I never thought I would have jeggings strapped to my legs. I never thought Dan Snyder would surrender control to football people.  The result of embracing the impossible? I am the most comfortable I've ever been in pants. The Washington Redskins are hosting a home playoff game and have a shot at a championship. What's the word on the street now? The Skins have no chance. There is no hope. It would be impossible for them to go on a run and win a Super Bowl. I say look past short-sightedness and suck it up, soak it in, stretch that waist band as far as it can go. Embrace the impossible and enjoy every second of this ride.